The Honeymooners
by writeallnight
Summary: Kensi and Deeks are off to Peru on their honeymoon, but things don't go exactly as planned. When an emergency landing leaves them stranded they find a little more adventure than they bargained for in Jacksonville, Florida. The third in the "Densi Summer Vacation" series.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: HAPPY SUMMER EVERYONE! The days are longer, the sun is hotter, it's one of the best times of the year! And it wouldn't be summer without a little summer vacation for our favorite, NOW MARRIED, crime fighting couple. This one is still in the works and I'm not quite sure where it's going yet except...somewhere fun for us and maybe a little less fun for them. Enjoy!

* * *

"Peru here we come!" Kensi said as the plane took off. She squeezed Deeks' hand. "I'm so excited!"

"A little delayed, but definitely worth the wait," Deeks said.

After months of agonizing they'd finally pulled the trigger on a belated honeymoon to Peru; a total minimal, adventurous trip. They'd each packed a backpack and boarded a flight to Miami. Once there they would connect to Lima and join up with a humanitarian aid group for five days. Then it was five days all to themselves exploring the country as they pleased.

Kensi pulled up one of the Instagram accounts she'd started following in preparation for the trip. "Just look at this hiking excursion. These views are going to be incredible."

"Not as incredible as the one I have right now," Deeks said.

"Aw, baby." She'd always scoffed at people who mooned over each other after their wedding but she had to admit, this silly newlywed thing was kind of fun.

"I'm really looking forward to some deep fried guinea pig," Deeks said.

"You're really going to eat a guinea pig? Even with its cute little face?" He'd been talking about it ever since he'd found out about the local delicacy and she was pretty disgusted.

"Absolutely! When in Lima…"

"That is so gross."

"What? A nice little guinea pig sandwich? Sounds delicious."

"It's like eating a rat!"

"You _just said_ it had a cute face! How can you say it's cute and then call it a rat?"

"I'm not kissing you while you have guinea pig breath."

That paused him for a second. "I'll think about it."

"Yeah you better."

"Aw, newlyweds?" A flight attendant paused their seats, her smile bright.

Kensi slipped her arm through Deeks'. "Yes. We're on our belated honeymoon to Peru."

"To Peru! What an exciting choice!"

"Well we're the adventurous type," Deeks told her. "Have you been?"

She nodded. "It's beautiful. Definitely worth all the hiking."

"And how exactly are the guinea pig burgers?"

She shook her head. "Not to my liking. I can't offer you one of those, but how about a complimentary glass of champagne to celebrate?"

"That sounds perfect."

She gave them each a glass and then continued down the aisle.

The extra seat in their row was empty, leaving them plenty of room to cuddle and watch the latest Marvel movie. The champagne made Kensi sleepy and she dozed off on Deeks' shoulder towards the end of the movie. When she woke up he was watching a romcom they'd missed at the theater last year because of a case.

"How long was I out?" she asked pushing her hair out of her face.

He checked his watch. "Couple hours. We're over Florida."

She wiped her mouth and wrinkled her nose. "Was I drooling?!"

He smiled. "A little."

She punched his shoulder. "Why didn't you wake me up?!"

"It was cute." He shrugged. "You were tired. You need some sleep before we go hike the mountains all day and," he grinned, "party all night."

"You wanted me to get some rest so I could have sex with you all night long? In our tent? After not showering all day?" She raised her eyebrows.

"…yes?"

"You're ridiculous."

"But you love me right?"

"I'm reconsidering."

He held up his left hand. "Nuh uh. You're stuck with me Fern. Are you seriously telling me we're not having any sex on our honeymoon? Isn't that the whole point of a honeymoon? To make babies?"

"Who's making babies?!" Kensi asked, looking around.

"I'm kidding. But seriously. No sex?"

"Nope. Not happening. Not unless I've showered. And you've brushed the guinea pig out of your teeth."

"Well I wish I'd known that ahead of time," he grumbled. "I would have made more of an effort last night."

He looked so cute sitting there all forlorn. They hadn't had much time together alone in the last few weeks. And last night they'd gotten home late after work practically dead on their feet. Things hadn't been super romantic lately. In fact she could hardly remember the last time they'd had a moment alone together. Ten days in a tent suddenly seemed like a really long time.

"Well," she traced a pattern on the back of his hand with her fingers, keeping her voice low, "we're not in Peru yet."

He frowned. "Yeah because we're on a plane."

"There are ways to…get around that." He still looked confused so she leaned close and whispered. "We could always join the mile high club."

His eyes grew huge. "Babe…don't say things like that unless you mean them."

She bit her lip and reached for her seatbelt.

The plane dropped. People screamed. Overhead bins opened and people's bags crashed to the floor. For one, heart stopping moment it felt like the world was ending. Kensi grabbed Deeks' hand and he squeezed it tightly, using the other to grip his armrest.

The plane leveled out and they could hear passengers around them crying in confusion and pain. The intercom made a dinging sound as it turned on. "Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. We are having difficulty with our onboard computer and will need to make an emergency landing in Jacksonville at this time. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened," the captain said.

"You good?" Deeks asked, all thoughts of airplane sex gone from his mind.

Kensi nodded, her heart still racing. "I'm going to go see if anyone needs help," he said, giving her hand a squeeze.

"I'll come with you," she said.

They both ignored the pilot's warning and got out of their seats. People seemed to be in pretty good shape, a little shaken but mostly unharmed. One older woman was hyperventilating so Kensi knelt next to her while Deeks continued through the cabin.

"Oh my god! Cherise! Cherise wake up!"

Deeks hurried toward the worried cries and found one of the flight attendants bent over a body on the floor. A closer look told him it the was the attendant who'd brought them their champagne and she was knocked out cold, blood running down her face. "Hey, I'm an officer with the LAPD," he said. "What's your name?"

"Monica," the woman said, her voice shaky. "She must have gotten hit when the overhead bins opened up."

"All right, listen, go make an announcement and find out if we have any medical professionals on board. And then find the first aid kit."

She nodded and hurried away. "Here." Deeks looked up to find a teenage girl handing him a scarf. "You're supposed to put pressure on it right?"

He smiled. "Nice job MacGyver. Thanks."

He wrapped the make-shift bandage around Cherise's head and reached to take her pulse. He felt a hand on his shoulder and Kensi knelt next to him. "Hey what do you need?" she asked.

"The flight attendant went to get the first aid kit. Just keep her head steady for me."

Cherise's pulse was fast but steady. "Cherise," Deeks ran a fist over her sternum. "Cherise can you hear me?"

Her eyes fluttered open. "Hey don't try to move all right?" Deeks said, glancing up at Kensi who tightened her grip. They couldn't rule out a neck injury and if she panicked and started moving it might make things worse.

"What-what happened?" Cherise asked, a hand fluttering toward her head.

"There was some turbulence and you were hit by some luggage," Deeks said slowly and calmly. "Your friend Monica went to get the first aid kit."

"Okay." She grimaced. "My head hurts."

"Yeah I'm not surprised. You're doing great though. Can you tell me where you are?"

"Uh, um, I'm on flight 2042 to Lima."

"Nice. And who's the president?"

She looked at him in confusion. "Of Lima?"

"No, no," he laughed. "Sorry, of the United States."

She gave him a withering look. "I don't talk about him."

"Correct answer then," Deeks said.

Monica returned with the first aid kit and another man in tow. "I'm a doctor," he said, snapping on a pair of rubber gloves. "Don Feldstein."

"Marty Deeks, LAPD. This is my wife Kensi," Deeks said.

"Good to meet you. How are we doing here?"

The doctor checked out their patient and since they were no longer needed Kensi and Deeks returned to their seats.

"Hopefully she'll only need some stitches," Kensi said.

"Hopefully. And hopefully we can get off this plane and make some new travel arrangements."

"I mean would it even be a vacation if something didn't go horribly wrong?"

"This is it. This is the only complication. Everything else is going to be smooth sailing," Deeks said.

Kensi sent him a look. "Do you really believe that?"

"Just…put out the good universe vibes with me all right?" He hesitated.

"What?" she asked.

"Were you really going to wait for me in the bathroom?"

"Seriously? That's what you're asking about after we almost just died?"

"That was _barely _a near-death experience. We've had Tuesdays scarier than that!" She rolled her eyes. "Don't look at me like that. You're the one who suggested it," he said.

"Well I guess you're just going to have to wait until after your guinea pig sandwiches now because I'm definitely not in the mood."

They both sat back in their seats. Suddenly this honeymoon seemed a little less romantic and a whole lot more like work.

* * *

A/N: So? What do you think? Will they make it to Peru? Leave your guesses (and love!) in the reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello all! Sorry about the delay. Life has been a challenge lately. Work of many kinds has been kicking my butt and I just haven't had the energy to get things done. But it's here now and hopefully it delivers!

* * *

They touched down in Jacksonville half an hour later. Medical was brought on board to deal with the elderly woman Kensi had helped and Cherise, the flight attendant. Kensi and Deeks were at the back of the plane meaning they were some of the last to disembark.

By the time they reached the gate it was packed with people attempting to change their flights. "Who would've thought Lima would be the vacation destination of the year?" Kensi asked as they squeezed into the cue.

"Apparently everyone." Deeks grunted as a woman carrying a small dog elbowed him in the ribs.

It took another hour for them to get to the counter. The attendant looked harried and exhausted but she smiled at them anyway. "Hello how can I help you?"

"Well my wife and I here, we were on the flight to Lima and we didn't exactly end up in Lima," Deeks told her.

"What's your last name?"

Deeks gave her all the relevant information and she spent a good five minutes clicking away on her keyboard. "All right Mr. and Mrs. Deeks, I can book you on a 5:00pm flight," she said brightly.

Kensi checked her watch. Two hours from now. Perfect. They would only miss about half a day.

"Let me just confirm the details one more time," the gate attendant said. "That's two tickets for Mr. Martin Deeks and Mrs. Kensi Deeks on the 5:00pm flight that leaves Monday, June 17."

Deeks blinked at her. "I'm sorry, did you say Monday?"

"Yes that's when the next available flight with two seats is."

"But it's Friday."

"Yes."

"Monday at 5:00 is like, three full days from now."

"Yes sir."

Deeks looked at Kensi. "You have no flights available between now and Monday at 5:00pm?"

"I'm sorry, no. The airline will be able to compensate you for three night's stay at a Jacksonville hotel on this list." She handed them a laminated piece of paper. "Air Peru apologizes for the inconvenience."

"This is unbelievable," Kensi said, trying to reign in her frustration. She knew it wasn't this airline employee's fault, but she hadn't waited six months for her honeymoon to spend half of it in Jacksonville.

"We could try another airline," Deeks offered as they stepped away from the counter.

"And pay for another pair of tickets?" Kensi asked. "That's not going to leave you much for guinea pig sandwiches."

"Call Hetty?"

"I don't want to bother her," Kensi said.

"Then…I guess we just wait it out? There must be something fun to do around here for a few days."

"Fine. Let's just get to the hotel and find some dinner."

Deeks stepped back to the counter. "Hi, okay, so we're going to stay at the Best Western."

She tapped her keyboard. "I'm sorry sir that hotel is booked."

"Completely?"

"Yes."

Deeks took a breath and tried to remain calm. "What about the La Quinta?"

She tapped away. "Also booked."

"Okay, is there a hotel on this list that isn't fully booked?"

She typed for a long time. "Yes, Manny's Inn and Casino has one room available."

"Manny's Inn and Casino. Of course," Deeks said, feeling his shoulders growing more tense by the second. "I guess we'll take it."

"Excellent. If you could just give me your information."

Deeks proceeded to repeat all the information he'd given her five minutes prior and half an hour later they were in an Uber on their way to the hotel. "Gonna do a little gambling tonight?" their driver asked.

"I don't think so," Kensi told him drily.

The Uber was one of those little, electric cars so they were both crammed into the backseat with their backpacks. The driver zipped through traffic like laws didn't apply and Deeks wondered if they would even make it to the hotel alive.

"What are you doing in Jacksonville?" the driver asked, clearly not picking up on their "don't talk to me" signals..

"It's our honeymoon," Deeks said. "We're on the way to Lima."

"Ooooh your honeymoon! Congratulations!" He frowned. "But you're going to Lima? That doesn't seem too romantic."

"We're the adventurous type," Deeks said when it became apparent that Kensi wasn't in a talking mood with her knees by her ears.

"Oh I see, I see. Well make sure you make the most of your time here in Jacksonville before you go if you know what I mean. Can't imagine you could get up to much hanky panky all the way down there." He chuckled and Kensi rolled her eyes.

He continued to chat all the way to their hotel. By the time they arrived the Deeks' knew more about crawfish boils, gators, and illegal moonshine than they could ever have wanted to. "Thanks," Deeks said as he paid while Kensi walked inside with their bags.

"Hey, listen," the driver handed him a coupon. "Take the missus somewhere nice tonight. This is my brother's place, Al's Crab Shack. They do the best seafood this side of the Atlantic! They'll treat you right!"

Deeks took the crumpled and slightly greasy coupon. "Good to know."

"Good luck!" he hollered and then floored it out of the parking lot.

The hotel was worse than Deeks could have imagined. It looked like an adult entertainment store had mated with an arcade and then eaten a lot of tuna fish. Kensi was standing at the desk, her face resigned to the fact that this vacation was turning out to be yet another disaster.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Deeks," the desk clerk said in a monotone voice. "In your welcome packet you will find your room keys, a voucher good for half off one drink with purchase of three drinks at the hotel bar, and a pricing guide for the wifi. The hotel casino is twenty-four hours. Have a good stay."

"There's a pricing guide for the wifi?" Deeks asked as they walked to the elevator.

"Apparently 'all-inclusive' isn't in their vocabulary," Kensi said.

They opened their room door and Deeks snorted. "Of course it's twin beds."

"Of course," Kensi said, dropping her pack onto the one nearest the door.

Deeks came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "It just means we can cuddle."

She turned to face him. "Maybe we should go home."

"And miss out on the honeymoon adventure of a lifetime? C'mon Kens! What's a little delayed flight and crappy motel room got on us? For better or for worse right?"

"Yeah I didn't think that part of our vows meant our honeymoon was going to be the worse."

He cupped her face in his hands. "It won't be. You and me baby. We've got this."

She sighed. "All right. Let's stay. But you need to feed me like right now before I change my mind."

"Done!"

It turned out that while Al's might not exactly live up to its reputation as the "best" seafood on the east coast, it was the only place within walking distance of their hotel. "Oh my god," Deeks' eyes grew huge as they walked inside. "Okay, new aesthetic for the bar."

The walls were covered in paraphernalia that had been reclaimed from the ocean. Crab pots, tackle boxes, paddles, and a wide variety of mounted fish were on display for all to see.

"You already have one fish. I don't think we need anymore," Kensi said as they settled into their table.

"But what if he gets lonely? Maybe he needs a fishy girlfriend to keep him company," Deeks said, indicating a large bass that had a pink bow on top.

"Howdy everyone and welcome to Al's Crab Shack," their server said. "My name is George and I will be your server tonight. Would you like to hear about our specials?"

"We would love to hear about the specials George," Deeks said, in his element as he watched his bride's obvious distaste.

"For our appetizer this evening we have a deep fried cheese stick, deep fried shrimp, deep fried jalapeño popper platter. Very popular with the large groups. Our dinners tonight are the twice fried crab legs and our deep fried cheeseburger with deep fried cheese topping. These are both served with our triple fried potato chips. Would you like to order now?"

"I think we need a minute," Kensi said and he moved on to help a retired couple who couldn't read the menu or hear very well judging from how loudly George was speaking to them. "Is there anything on this menu that's been fried less than twice?"

"This is the deep south babe. Fried is what they do best."

"I'll bet the hospitals make a killing on heart attacks."

George returned. "Are you ready to order?"

"Yes," Deeks straightened his menu. "I will have the deep fried seafood platter with a side of the deep fried fries."

"Excellent choice. One of our most popular items. And for you ma'am?"

Kensi wrinkled her nose. "I guess I'll have the deep fried salad? Any chance you can hold the deep fried?"

"Ma'am all of our items come fully prepared and frozen for maximum freshness and quality so no, we cannot hold the deep fried."

"Okay then." Kensi watched him walk away. "I'm not sure we should eat here."

"Look babe, this place is packed! The food must be good."

The food was not good. Kensi picked at her salad trying to find the freshest bits while Deeks chewed through four crab legs, six shrimp, two pieces of cod, and entire plate of french fries. "It's like I'm back in college," he said between bites.

"You ate like this in college?"

"You're telling me, KayKay Blye, queen of the junk food, didn't partake in the occasional fried food binge in the dining hall cafeteria?"

"Not like this."

"Liar. If they had a deep fried Twinkie on this menu you would be all over it."

"Yes, one Twinkie would be fine. You're eating a coronary on a plate."

"What a way to go."

Kensi rolled her eyes.

She hopped in the shower when they got back and when she was done Deeks hopped her. "Deeks, these are twin beds," she gasped as he kissed her neck. "There's not enough room."

"Think of it as a challenge," he said with a grin, his hands sliding down her thighs in a way that made her shiver.

There were a few more minutes of making out and then Deeks sat up, a little breathless as he stripped off his shirt. Kensi caught a glimpse of his face and she frowned. "Babe are you okay?"

He was sweaty and pale and even a little green, but maybe that was just the lighting. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah I'm great."

He definitely seemed great for the next two hours. Maybe being trapped in Jacksonville wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

A/N: What do you think? Are things starting to look up? Or is more trouble on the way. Stay tuned...and leave your love in the reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Many of you predicted that Deeks was headed for some tummy troubles. Read on to find out if you're right!

* * *

They woke up in the morning still curled up in one another in the tiny bed. "I think we conquered that challenge," Deeks said, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"You know, I noticed that shower is also really small," Kensi told him coyly as she slipped out of bed. "Just in case you're looking for another challenge!"

It didn't take long before he joined her, lips pressing against her shoulder as his hands circled her waist. Kensi squeaked as he nipped at her earlobe and found herself hoping the motel walls weren't too thin. She was really starting to regret the choice to spend their honeymoon in a smelly tent. Were they really going to make it two weeks without

When they were both sufficiently showered they went in search of breakfast, settling on the closest Starbucks. Kensi took a bite of her yogurt and then realized Deeks wasn't eating. "You good?" she asked.

He frowned a little. "Yeah, my stomach's kind of queasy."

"I hope you're not getting sick," she said in alarm.

"I'm sure it's just from drinking last night and all the traveling."

"Aw," Kensi reached for his hand. "Can't hold your liquor anymore? Don't tell the guys."

"Hey at least I'm not a lightweight like Eric."

After breakfast they went for a stroll through downtown Jacksonville. It was hot and humid and within minutes Kensi's shirt was stuck to her skin. "Jacksonville is definitely not the pride of Florida," Kensi said, wrinkling her nose as they passed a couple of overflowing garbage cans.

Deeks didn't respond and when she looked his face was contorted in pain. "Deeks are you all right?"

"My stomach," he said, stopping and bending over a bit. He blanched and clapped a hand over his mouth, then threw himself at the nearest garbage can where he promptly vomited.

"Oh my god!" Kensi put a hand on his back. "Are you all right?"

Deeks lifted his head and sucked in a breath. "Yeah I'm…" He gagged, leaning over to threw up again. "I guess maybe Al's Crab Shack wasn't such a great idea after all."

"Yeah you think? Next time listen to your wife. Come on. Let's head back to the hotel."

It took forever to get back because Deeks had to stop and wretch every few feet. By the time Kensi got him in bed he was sweaty and pale. She positioned the garbage can next to him and then put a hand on his forehead. "I think you've got a fever. It's probably food poisoning."

"You're telling me." Deeks curled up into the fetal position as his stomach cramped.

"Well I guess better here than in Lima." She stroked his forehead tenderly.

He sat up so fast he nearly knocked her to the floor. "I have to go to the bathroom!" he rasped.

"Use the garbage can."

"Not that kind of emergency," he said with a grimace as he stumbled into the tiny bathroom and closed the door.

Kensi stood outside and winced in sympathy. It was clearly going to be a long day.

Deeks came out and collapsed onto the bed, immediately falling asleep. Kensi pulled out her tablet and sent a couple quick messages off to Nell and Eric checking in.

When Deeks woke up half an hour later he vomited into the garbage can and then had to be almost immediately helped to the bathroom again. "Ah the joys of marriage," Kensi mumbled to herself as she stood outside the door and waited for him.

It was hours and hours of tortured bodily function. In addition to his fever Deeks was lethargic and clearly in pain as his stomach cramped and twisted. When he was awake he was curled up on the bed and looked absolutely miserable, and when he was asleep he tossed and turned, twisting the cheap hotel sheets in a balled up mess.

Kensi was starting to get worried about dehydration so when he fell asleep around 5:00 she slipped out to the gift shop and bought the world's most expensive bottle of Gatorade for him to sip. Her stomach rumbled so grabbed a couple packages of crackers too. She wasn't trusting unpackaged food again in this state.

She stepped back outside and was halfway back to the room when she remembered she'd also wanted to grab a package of tissues. She doubled back, stopping short when she realized there was someone coming down the walkway in the opposite direction. "Yeah tomorrow," he muttered into his cellphone. "Does Carl have the car ready? We're gonna hit it hard and heavy and get out fast. They won't even know what hit 'em. "

Kensi stepped around the corner and waited in the shadows until he passed. "Don't call me again. Just bring the car."

He put his key in the lock and went into room B-31. Kensi frowned. That had almost sounded like plans for a hold up of some kind. She shook her head. Deeks would laugh at her and tell her she was too suspicious after all the problems they'd had on their last couple of trips. She shouldn't be borrowing anymore trouble than was waiting for her back in their room.

Deeks was in utter misery when she got back. He was too hot, then too cold. His stomach stabbed at him repeatedly and his chest ached from all the throwing up. Being awake was torture and being asleep was blessed relief until he was woken again by the need to empty his stomach one way or another.

Kensi found herself ironically grateful for separate beds as Deeks' exorcist routine persisted late into the evening. Every attempt to get him to eat or drink something it only ended in disaster and she began to wonder if she should get him to the ER. When she posed the question to him he staunchly refused and then immediately threw up into the garbage can.

At 10:00am the next morning he woke feeling somewhat less like death. His mouth tasted sour and his body still hurt, but he wasn't in quite as much agony as the previous twenty-four hours. He pushed himself up into a half seated position and looked at his sleeping wife on the other side of the room. So much for a honeymoon.

He pulled himself out of bed and showered but another, slightly less terrible, bout of stomach cramps put him on the toilet again soon after. Kensi was awake when he finally exited the bathroom. "How are you?" she asked, her hair a mess, eyes bleary.

"I feel like I birthed a forty pound baby," he said with a groan, sitting down heavily. "But a little better."

"You had me worried. You should probably try some more Gatorade. Or water or something."

He nodded and took a cautious sip from the bottle on the nightstand. "We're never eating seafood again."

"I didn't eat seafood to begin with."

"You're really going to make fun of your poor, sick husband who nearly died on your honeymoon?"

"Um yes. Absolutely. I've already informed the entire team, they're coming up with snarky things to say as we speak."

"I knew I should have written a clause about that into the pre-nup."

"You'd better be glad we don't have a pre-nup because I definitely would have put a vomit clause in there and then you'd be on your own."

There was a bang from outside and Kensi went immediately to the window, peeking through the curtains. "Everything all right?" Deeks asked.

"Must have been a car."

She seemed jumpy. "Hey, something on your mind? You still thinking about going home?" he asked.

"No, I just…it's probably nothing."

"Uh oh. Come on. Talk to me. What happened while I was out? You decide to run away with Manny?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. When I was out getting supplies last night I heard this guy on the phone and it was weird."

"Weird how?"

"I mean, if I was being suspicious, I would say he was planning to rob the casino."

"_If _you were being suspicious?" he teased.

"Like I said, I'm sure it's nothing. Go ahead and say it. One disastrous vacation too many has made me paranoid. I see bad guys everywhere."

"Or…"

She raised her eyebrows. "Or what?"

"I mean we've been partners for a hot second now. Your instincts are usually pretty good."

"Oh." She raised her eyebrows. "No snarky comment?"

"No snarky comment." He winced as he drew a deep breath and his ribs twinged. "All snark exited somewhere around 3:30am when you were cleaning up my puke for the eighty-fifth time."

"Aw, look how good we are at being married!"

"So good!"

She instinctively leaned in to kiss him and then they both thought better of it. "Yeah maybe not yet," she said.

"I should brush my teeth first."

"Good idea."

They got up and dressed and Deeks watched ruefully as Kensi ate a protein bar for breakfast. "You sure you don't want some?" she asked.

"Probably better not to risk it," he said, holding up his bottle of Gatorade. "Liquid diet for now."

"I'm sure the guinea pigs will be pleased to hear that."

* * *

A/N: Hmmm...a case? On vacation! No... ;)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: There's stuff in this chapter I don't know about. I made it up. Because of story reasons. And I didn't really google anything. So if you're some kind of big hot-shot gambler, don't come at me. It's Jacksonville. Anything can happen.

* * *

"So," Deeks said. "What are we looking for?"

It was nearly noon and the casino buzzed with a low level of activity from senior citizens who'd come to wile away their golden years in the Florida sunshine. Although there wasn't much sunshine to be had inside Manny's; just a lot of liquor and the faint aroma of nachos.

"I don't know," Kensi said. "Men with machine guns? A guy with a stocking over his face and a bag of money?"

In the light of day her suspicions seemed less likely. An elderly man shuffled by using a cane, his hand full of poker chips and Kensi felt like there was no way anybody was robbing this place. "Deeks, maybe I was wrong."

Deeks didn't answer and she turned to find him looking pale again. "Oh babe."

"Sorry," he said, rushing off in search of the nearest bathroom.

Kensi surveyed the floor. There was nothing here. Nobody was holding a weapon of any kind unless you counted their walkers and overlarge purses. And honestly, anybody looking to hold up a place like this was just asking for multiple homicide charges with all the heart attacks waiting to happen.

She sat down on a bench to await Deeks' return. Across from her were two seniors playing at the roulette table. "C'mon!" the man wheezed. "Big money!"

"Marvin you haven't made big money in four days, what makes you think you're going to win it now?" the woman next to him asked. She had bright red hair that was clearly from a bottle and her cat eye glasses kept sliding down to the end of her nose.

"Ey, Kathy, you're my good luck charm. Can't lose with you by my side." Marvin adjusted his oxygen tank, which hissed in response. "Oh that's the good stuff."

"Are you gonna win or not?" Kathy asked. "I need food if we're going to be here forever."

"I'm working on it." He spun the wheel, watching closely as it turned round.

"Hey." Deeks sat down heavily next to her. He was a little out of breath but still looked significantly better than the day before. "What are you doing?"

"Watching our future," Kensi said, tilting her head toward the couple.

"What'd I tell you Kath!" Marvin said with glee. "Big money!"

"It's twelve dollars Marv."

"That's twelve more dollars than you've got."

"Yeah well you'd better use it to buy me a sandwich. Let's go."

"Just one more round Kath!"

"Marv!"

"Yikes," Deeks said. "The future looks…bald." He self-consciously put a hand to his hair.

"And shockingly free of bad guys," Kensi said. "Let's get out of here."

"Are you sure? Kensi-sense not tingling anymore?"

"Nope. Guess it was faulty."

"Eh, that's all right," Deeks said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I hear that happens with age."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah well you'd better start investing in some ROGAINE there Marv."

"Ouch!" He put a hand on his heart. "You wound me Kath. My follicles and I have a deal!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, is that a gray hair I see?" She poked at his curls while he swatted her away.

There was a thud and then a scream. Marvin had fallen to the floor, a hand to his chest, while Kathy went into hysterics. "He's having a heart attack!" she shrieked, clutching at the scarf wrapped around her throat. "Somebody help him!"

"Deeks call 911!" Kensi said, sprinting toward them.

"On it." Deeks was already pulling out his phone.

Were they going to spend their entire honeymoon saving people? "Sir!" Kensi reached for the man's wrist as she spoke loudly to him. "Sir can you hear me?"

His eyes fluttered and he moaned but didn't rouse enough for her to get any answers. She finally found his pulse and frowned. Steady as a rock. "Sir! Can you tell me what's wrong?" she asked loudly.

"He's dying! His heart is giving up the ghost!" Kathy had grabbed hold of Deeks and was sobbing into his shirt. "Oh my Marv!"

"Let's just, try to be calm," Deeks said. "Everybody back up, give us a little room here."

"Deeks." Kensi beckoned him over and he passed Kathy onto a Blackjack dealer, joining his wife on the floor.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Do you want me to start compressions?"

Kensi shook her head. "I don't know. He's breathing fine and his pulse is steady. I mean I'm not a doctor but…"

Deeks frowned and pressed his fingers to the man's throat, finding the same thing Kensi had; the man's pulse was beating efficiently beneath his fingers. Kathy screamed, "DO SOMETHING!"

Deeks ignored her and sat back on his heels, looking around as sirens wailed outside. Something was off, and it wasn't just his stomach anymore. Everyone in the room had come crowding around them, including all of the hotel and casino staff. The tables were empty and the only security guard in the room was at the door with Deeks' phone, guiding in the paramedics.

That was when Deeks spotted the open door at the back of the casino. The one he assumed led into the control rooms and, quite possibly, the vault. "Kens." He jerked his head toward it and she followed his gaze.

The paramedics arrived so Kensi and Deeks got out of their way, walking toward the open doorway. Deeks glanced behind him to find everyone still completely engrossed with the ongoing situation. Kathy had thrown herself on top of Marv and was now refusing to let the paramedics get anywhere close, while the security guard tried to pull her off.

"What are you thinking?" Deeks asked.

Kensi frowned. "Have the couple provide a distraction. Rob the safe. They don't even realize what's happened until after it's over."

Deeks looked back at the fray behind him and then slipped through the open door. "Deeks! Deeks! What the hell are you doing?" Kensi hissed as she followed him.

"Well somebody has to check it out." The door led to a narrow, poorly lit hallway.

"Yeah, 'somebody.' Not us. We're on our honeymoon remember?"

He stopped and held up a hand. Voices trickled down the hallway from a room at the far end. "Deeks!" she growled again as he walked closer. She grabbed the back of his shirt. "What do you think you're going to do?"

"I'm going to investigate."

"You sure as hell are not!" She pulled him around so he faced her. "This is for the police!"

"I am the police."

"Deeks. You're holding your finger like it's a Glock." She looked pointedly down at his hands.

He followed her gaze, which were indeed held together in a very convincing finger gun position."Oh. Well. Force of habit. Come on. We'll just take a look and then call the local PD. If we don't look, what are we even going to tell them? That we _think_ there might be a fake heart attack/robbery situation happening?"

She pursed her lips. "I swear to god if you get me killed on our honeymoon I will divorce you SO FAST."

They crept together toward the room, Kensi still holding tightly to the back of Deeks' t-shirt.

"Hurry up." A male voice growled the order over the sound of a drill. "A fake heart attack isn't going to hold them for long."

"Hey, do you want to drill?" A second voice, a little higher in pitch and significantly sharper shot back the reply.

Deeks and Kensi peeked into the room. Only two men, one short and heavy, the other a little taller and with broad shoulders were drilling into the safe. They exchanged looks; Kensi had definitely been right. There was a robbery going on right under the noses of everyone at Manny's.

"Drake, they're going to be here any second," the short man said.

Drake stopped what he was doing and glared at him. "Carl, if you tell me to hurry up one more time I'm going to kick your ass so hard."

Deeks' stomach chose that moment to give a long, loud, gurgle. They froze and so did Drake and Carl. "What was that?" Drake said.

"Tiger?" Carl asked.

Deeks and Kensi began to back up but before they could get out of the hallway Drake was there, a gun pointed directly at Deeks' head. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

* * *

A/N: I'll be honest people, this story is out of control. It has taken over itself and I'm not responsible for what happens from this point on (I mean, okay technically I am but you know what I mean). All I can say is, hold on! And leave your love in the reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I forgot to mention in Chapter 4, the bit about Deeks holding his finger is taken from an interview ECO did on "The Talk" about an incident that happened on the highway. It is literally my favorite thing ever and I just had to throw it in! And now, it's the last chapter! Will Kensi and Deeks escape? Will they ever go on vacation again? Read on to find out!

* * *

They were caught. They had no weapons and no easy means of escape, not with Drake pointing a gun directly in their faces. Kensi tensed, trying to figure out what play they should go with. Ice Cream Sundae in the Park with George? Or maybe Harry Potter and the Trouble with Tribbles? Crap, would Deeks remember anything about reiki?

"This isn't the bathroom," Deeks said loudly. "Whoops! Sorry babe. Wrong again."

Apparently they were going with 'lost tourist' which was not from the playbook.

"Didn't mean to interrupt, we'll just be going." Kensi took a step back but Drake was already shaking his head.

"Uh uh. Get in here. Both of you. Put your hands up."

They did as he asked, while Carl closed the door behind them. "Who are you?" Drake asked.

"We're just tourists," Deeks said. "We're on our way to Peru for our honeymoon."

"Peru?" Drake wrinkled his nose. "Nobody goes to Peru for their honeymoon."

"We're the adventurous type!" Kensi said with a look of long-suffering.

"I'm not buying it," Carl said. "Who are you really?"

"We're just tourists," Deeks said again, holding his hands in a pacifying manner. "Just let us go and we won't say anything."

"Drake! Carl!" Kathy hobbled into the room followed closely by Marvin. They looked suspiciously more spry than they had a few minutes prior. "They're onto us. We gotta get out of here!"

"Shit!" Drake immediately went back to drilling the safe while Kathy and Marvin took in their newcomers.

"How the hell did they get in here?" Marvin asked.

"Apparently your distraction wasn't as good as you said it would be," Carl said, his gun still trained on Kensi's sternum.

"I promise you man, whatever's going on here we don't want any part of it," Deeks said again.

"Really, we're just trying to have a honeymoon, although apparently that is just too much to ask of the universe!" Kensi abruptly sat down on the floor, surprising everyone in the room. "One vacation. ONE. VACATION. _How hard is that_?!"

"Okay, uh, just, tie them up," Carl told Kathy and Marvin.

"Why do we have to do it?" Marvin asked.

"Because I'm helping Drake with the drill."

"No he's not," Drake growled, dropping the tool as he finally got through the safe door.

"We could just tie ourselves up if you want," Deeks offered.

"That would be great," Kathy said, handing him her scarf and Marvin's tie.

Kensi blinked several times at her husband. "What are you doing?"

He grinned as he tied her hands loosely in front of her with the floral scarf. "Having fun. If every vacation we go on is going to be like something out of a Hardy Boys novel we might as well try to enjoy it."

"Deeks, these people are robbing a casino. They have guns."

"And they clearly don't know what they're doing. C'mon. We'll treat it like one of those escape room things. It'll be like a practice case." He sat down next to her and held out his own hands.

"I don't really think we need anymore practice," she hissed, pulling the knot on the tie a little extra tight so he winced.

"I got it," Drake said, stuffing handfuls of cash in a bag. "Let's get out of here."

"What are we going to do with them?" Marvin jerked his head toward Deeks and Kensi.

"We'll…leave them here?" Carl said uncertainly.

"Mmm…we've seen your faces though," Deeks pointed out even as Kensi elbowed him in the ribs.

"True, true, they have seen our faces," Kathy said.

"Then we take them with us," Drake said.

"Right, yeah, okay, get up." Carl indicated for both of them to get to their feet with his gun. "Go first. Down the hall. Out the back door."

"I'm going to kill you," Kensi said, her voice low and dangerous as they walked down the hall. "I'm going to push you off a cliff in Peru, let the guinea pigs eat you, and collect all your life insurance and no one will _ever _question my motive."

"Babe, relax. It's going to be fine. I'm working on a plan."

"Are you? Are you working on a plan? Because so far, I have seen no evidence of that!"

They reached a door and Deeks pushed it open to reveal a dozen police cars rolling up the street, sirens blaring.

"Back, back, back!" Drake yelled, closing the door and pushing them through the another door and into the casino.

The room was deserted. Apparently someone had caught onto the group's scheme. Deeks and Kensi glimpsed more flashing lights outside and then an officer with a bullhorn yelled, "This is the Jacksonville PD! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!"

"Damn it! It's the fuzz!" Marvin yelped, stumbling back from the windows.

"Is this part of your plan?" Kensi asked her husband. "Getting taken out by SWAT?"

"Okay, all right, this does complicate things a bit," Deeks said. "But, let us all remember that you were the one whose Kensi-sense got us into this mess in the first place."

Drake opened the front door a crack. "We have hostages! We want…" he turned back to the rest of the group. "What do we want?"

"A jet!" Rob said.

"A Maserati!" Kathy said.

"Four pizzas with the works," Deeks said. "What?" he asked when Kensi glared at him. "I haven't eaten in like two days."

Drake nodded and stuck his head out the door. "We want a jet and a Maserati!"

"And the pizza!" Deeks yelled.

"Right! And four pizzas with the works! Or we're not coming out!"

"I cannot believe we have been taken hostage on our honeymoon," Kensi groaned. "This is so embarrassing."

"Babe, it could have happened to anybody."

"No it couldn't! Just us!"

"Listen doll," Marv sank down into a chair opposite her. "Can I give you a little advice? Me and Kath, we've been together for fifty years now. There are always going to be ups and downs. Sometimes you win the lottery and sometimes you get into a barfight in Duluth and put in the slammer for twenty-four hours. It don't get any easier the older you get. The key is to find joy in the journey."

"And to always keep trying new things," Kathy piped up. "That's how we started this gig. Spicing things up a bit."

"See Fern? We have plenty to look forward to in our golden years," Deeks said, nudging her leg.

Kensi rolled her eyes. "Yeah you're going to need to take up the life of crime with your second wife."

"We made the news!" Carl said excitedly. "Drake turn on the TV!"

Sure enough live coverage of the police vehicles outside filled the screen along followed by grainy shots of Deeks and Kensi checking into the hotel. "The hostages are believed to be honeymooners Martin and Kensi Deeks," said the newscaster who was clearly standing just outside the police tape. "We have no word on their condition at this time."

"Oh my god, Marv! We're famous!" Kathy said excitedly, leaning over to give him a big kiss.

The emergency phone on the wall began to ring. Carl picked it up. "Hello?" He listened for a few seconds and then frowned. He looked at Kensi. "It's for you."

Kensi stared at him for a second before getting up and taking it from him, balancing it in her bound hands. "Hello?"

"Having some honeymoon issues Mrs. Deeks?"

"Hello Hetty." Kensi looked at Deeks whose eyes widened.

"That's Hetty?" he whispered. He pointed to himself.

"Deeks wants to talk to you too." Kensi waited while he joined her and held the phone so it was between both of their heads. "Hi Hetty!" Deeks said.

"The two of you seem to be in quite a pickle. Perhaps your vacation funds would be better spent on home improvement or further education," Hetty said drily.

"Trust me, this is our last vacation ever," Kensi told her.

"Tell me the truth, are you currently in danger?"

They both glanced up at Marvin and Kathy who were fiddling with one of the slot machines and Rob and Drake who were sitting next to the front door, their weapons on the floor next to them, not even paying attention to their captives.

"I would say a fairly low amount," Kensi said.

"Are you in need of any assistance?"

Deeks raised his eyebrows and looked at his wife. Kensi took a breath and then nodded in concession. They were in this together, they might as well finish it. "Nah, I think we can handle it," Deeks said, a twinkle in his eye.

"I will give you fifteen minutes and then I'm sending in the local police. Fair enough?"

"More than fair Hetty. We'll handle it," Kensi assured her.

"See that you do."

She hung up and Kensi looked at Deeks. "Well Mr. Mastermind, what's your plan?"

"Why does it have to be my plan?"

"You're the one who got us into this!"

"Okay, okay." Deeks took a breath. "All right. Marv and Kath aren't going to put up much of a fight so what we really have to worry about are Drake and Carl's guns. I'll provide a distraction and you kick ass?"

"Works for me."

"Carl's Junior!" Deeks bellowed. "Come put this phone back."

Carl got to his feet and reached for the phone. Deeks took a deep breath and vomited directly onto his shoes.

"Ugh! What the fu—"

Kensi took him out with a head butt and then immediately moved to the door where she swept her foot and took down Drake as well. With one quick twist she freed her hands of the scarf and collected both weapons, all while Kathy and Marvin watched with open mouthed stares.

"Is there a reason you couldn't have done that an hour ago?" Kensi asked as Deeks got to his feet, loosening his own hands.

"I can't just vomit on command babe. It takes a second to work it up."

"My babies!" Kathy cried. "Boys are you all right?"

"Drake and Carl are your kids?" Deeks asked in surprise.

"Who are you?" Carl asked in a daze.

"Not just tourists," Kensi told him as she tied his hands securely behind his back. "Might want to take a lesson on your hostage technique. Babe," she called to Deeks who was tying up Drake, "you want to go liaise with your local PD friends outside?"

"It would be my pleasure," Deeks said, stepping out the door. "Don't worry Jacksonville! Marty Deeks of LAPD has everything under control!"

It took several hours, and a lot of watching the CCTV footage, for things to get sorted out. Kensi and Deeks had to give several statements and sign a lot of paperwork.

Deeks only threw up one more time, this time directly into a garbage can by the police chief's desk, which they all considered a win. Their time with the police was also punctuated by phone calls from their team members.

"Oh my god, are you guys all right?" Nell asked worriedly when she finally got through on Kensi's cell.

"Yes, we're totally fine," Kensi assured her.

"I can't believe you were taken hostage!" Eric proclaimed.

Apparently they were on speaker. "I can. Their vacations suck," Sam chimed in.

"I told you we shouldn't let them go without supervision" Callen said.

"Did you call to check on us or just to give us shit?" Deeks asked.

"Can it be both?" Callen asked.

"It can definitely be both," Nell affirmed.

"Seriously though, are you guys okay? Do you need anything?" Eric asked.

"A better travel planner?" Kensi said.

"Speaking, Mrs. Deeks." Apparently Hetty was also on the partyline. "You and Mr. Deeks are booked on a direct flight to Peru in two hours. You have advanced security clearance to go directly to the gate. I have extended your vacation time an extra two days to account for the time you've spent working in Florida. We will see you back here refreshed and relaxed in two weeks"

"Hetty," Kensi was speechless. "Thank you."

"Consider it your wedding present. And an anniversary present every year for the rest of your lives."

"Seriously, Hetty that was so kind of you."

"Yes, I know Mr. Deeks. Now get going. If the two of you miss this flight it's your own fault this time."

It took only a few minutes to collect their bags and hop in an Uber for the airport. They sailed through bag check and were at the gate with half an hour to spare. "Your tickets have been upgraded to first class," the airline attendant told them when they checked in at the desk. "Here are your new boarding passes. Enjoy."

"Wow," Deeks said as they settled into their seats. "Hetty really went all out. We're going to need to buy her some really nice tea in Peru." He thought for a moment. "Do you think that's how Hetty gets all her tea? Doing favors for people?"

"Probably," Kensi said. "How's your stomach?"

"Feeling perfect. Ready for guinea pig kabobs."

"You're still planning to eat them? Even after all this?"

"Especially after all this. We never got those pizzas. I'm starving."

"We're going to have to come up with a name for that play you did in the casino," Kensi said with a smile. "That's definitely not in the playbook."

"I was thinking the Peruvian Puke with a Jacksonville Layover."

She snorted. "Sounds good to me."

The overhead speaker dinged. "Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. I'm pleased to inform you that everyone is aboard and we will actually be departing early for our destination in Lima. We should have good weather the entire way. Please fasten your seatbelts."

Their take-off was smooth and as soon as they were up the captain turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. The flight attendants brought them free champagne and a variety of snacks.

"I think, maybe, our luck is turning around," Deeks said.

She took his hand. "I think maybe you're right. At least…" she unfastened her seatbelt and leaned close to his ear. "I think yours certainly is."

She smiled seductively and walked toward the bathroom, making sure to turn around and grin at him before stepping inside.

Deeks froze for only a moment before yanking his own seatbelt off as fast as possible. Things were definitely looking up.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I absolutely meant the double entendre at the end of this chapter. I regret nothing. I hope you enjoyed this summer's installment of Densi vacation shenanigans. I'll leave what happens in Peru up to your imaginations! Thanks for reading and remember to leave your love in the reviews!


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